(3) The beginning of the love affair between Dostoevsky and his wife Anna: The two come close to each other rapidly through their joint work on the dictation of "The Gambler.
Previous ArticleDostoevsky Meets Madame Anna: Dictation of "The Gambler" Begun in Desperate Circumstances."In the following section, I told you about Dostoevsky's encounter with Madame Anna.
In this article, I would like to talk about the beginning of their love affair.
...When will your travelogue begin?"
Well, well, well. Let's take our time and see how they got to know each other and how they got married. That way, we will surely be able to get a sense of the atmosphere of the trip. Please bear with me for a while.
Let's get started.
The following are the words of Mrs. Anna immediately after her awkward first meeting with Dostoevsky.
When I left Dostoevsky's house, I felt completely sad. I did not like him and had a heavy impression of him. I thought I would never be able to work with him and that my dream of independence might be shattered. It was all the more painful because my mother, who was a good person, had been so happy to see me get a new job yesterday.......
It was about two o'clock when I left Dostoevsky's place. I lived with my mother (Anna Nikolaevna Snitkina) on Kostromskaya Street near Smolinny, so it was too far to go back there. So I stopped at a relative's house on Vonarny Alley, was treated to dinner, and decided to visit Dostoevsky again in the evening.
My relatives were very interested in my new acquaintance and began to inquire about him in depth. Time went on and on as we talked, and by eight o'clock I was already at his house in Alonquin. I asked the maid who opened the door what he was called. I knew from the book that his name was Fyodor, but I did not know his father's name, Mikhailovich. Again, Fedosiya (that was the name of the maid) asked me to wait for her in the dining room, and went to the back to intercede. When she returned, she showed me to her study. I greeted him and took the seat I had just occupied in front of the small table. But he didn't like it and told me to hang it on his desk, where it would be easier for me to write. I confess that I was a bit dazed when he suggested that I work at the desk where I had just finished a masterpiece such as "Crime and Punishment.
We switched seats, and Fyodor Mikhailovich moved over to where I was sitting. He asked again for my first and last name and if I was related to the talented Sneatkin, who had recently passed away at a young age. I replied that we shared the same surname. He began asking about my family, where I studied, and why I wanted to learn shorthand.
As he later told me, I answered every question as it was, in a serious, almost sarcastic tone. I had long since made up my mind that when I began working as a stenographer in a private home, I would from the start avoid familiarity with people I did not know well, and I would deal with them in a clerical tone and avoid any unnecessary or impolite words from anyone. I don't think I ever laughed when talking to Fyodor Mikhailovich. He seemed to like this seriousness very much. He later told me that he liked my moderation. He had often been subjected to and seen some upsetting behavior among the nihilist women of the world. What made it all the more amusing was that I was not at all like the type of young women common in those days.
Misuzu Shobo, Anna Dostoevskaya, translated by Hiroshi MatsushitaDostoevsky in Recollection."p38-39
Although Mrs. Anna had sunk under the heavy atmosphere of their first meeting, her feelings seemed to have changed a little by the time they met for the second time.
Besides,I confess, I was put on the spot when I was encouraged to work at the desk where I had just finished a masterpiece such as "Crime and Punishment.The fact is that he was elated to be in front of the artist of his dreams, as he stated, "I was very excited to see him.
In contrast, Dostoevsky also began to like Mrs. Anna's serious and calm demeanor. Dostoevsky was not a sociable person, having never been good at socializing, even as a young man. He had been bullied by Turgenev and other young noblemen. It is not difficult to imagine that he felt a sense of guilt toward these cheerful, witty, and stylish people. It is quite understandable that Dostoevsky was so fond of the earnest Anna.
In the meantime, Fedosiya had prepared tea, two cups of tea, two loaves of bread, and a lemon. He also told me to smoke and offered me a pear.
During the tea, our conversation became more cordial and open than before. Suddenly, I felt as if I had known Dostoevsky for a long time, and I felt relaxed and happy.
Somehow, the conversation turned to the Petrashevsky Group and the death penalty. He seemed to be reminiscing.
I still remember the moment when I was standing in the Semyonovskiy Kneading Camp with my comrades who had been sentenced to death. When I saw the preparations for the execution, I knew that I had only five minutes left to live. But these minutes seemed like years or decades, and I felt as if I would live for a long time. We were already dressed in death row clothes and divided into groups of three, and I was the eighth, in the third row. The first three were pinned to the pillars. In another two or three minutes, the two groups would be shot to death. Then it will be our turn. Oh, how I wished to live! How precious life must have seemed to me! How many good and noble things I could have done if only I had lived! I thought of all the times in my past when my whole life had not always been used for good, and how I wished I could start all over again and live a long, long life. ...... Then, suddenly, I heard the signal to stop, and I regained my strength. I was restored to life. My friends were removed from their posts and brought back to where they had been, and a new sentence was read. I was sentenced to four years in prison. I have never been happier. I walked around the Alexeyevsky Half-Moon Redoubt cell, constantly singing and hollering. I was so happy to be alive and to have escaped the death penalty. Then he was allowed to see his deceased brother before parting, and on the eve of Christmas he set off on a long journey. I treasure the letter I wrote to my brother on the day I received my new sentence. My nephew recently returned it to me.
His story left me with a cruel impression that gave me goosebumps. What surprised me more, however, was the fact that he spoke so frankly to me, a mere girl whom he had just met for the first time today. It was a strange thing to hear this seemingly tough and hard-edged man speak so much about his past in such a detailed, heartfelt, and sincere manner. Later, when I learned more about his family situation, I understood why he was so credulous and frank. At that time, he was completely alone, surrounded only by people who were hostile to him. He was eager to share his thoughts with anyone who was willing to listen. It made a very favorable and wonderful impression on me that he was so open and honest with me after just meeting me.
Misuzu Shobo, Anna Dostoevskaya, translated by Hiroshi MatsushitaDostoevsky in Recollection."p39-40
This experience of Dostoevsky's death penalty is his long novelThe Moron.He also wrote about it in his book, "The Sacred Heart of the Sacred Heart". It must have been such a significant memory for him that it remained etched in his mind.
Still, I can only be amazed at Dostoevsky for telling such a heavy story on the second time we met, and since this second meeting took place on the same day, practically on the first day we met.
Was Dostoevsky a man who would talk about these things to anyone? No, I am sure he would not.
I am inclined to believe that Dostoevsky opened his mind, as Mrs. Anna says here, "because it is Mrs. Anna".
I guess Mrs. Anna was also moved by such Dostoevsky.
However, as expected, Mrs. Anna was shocked by this story, and after returning home, she divulged the following.
When I returned home, I was absorbed in telling my mother how frank and pleasant Dostoevsky had been with me. However, in order not to make my mother sad, I did not tell her about the unprecedentedly heavy impression left on my mind by the many things that had happened during the day that I had spent so interestingly. It was a truly depressing impression. For the first time in my life, I had seen a man who was intelligent, good, and yet excluded from everything. I felt a deep sense of compassion and pity for him. ......
Misuzu Shobo, Anna Dostoevskaya, translated by Hiroshi MatsushitaDostoevsky in Recollection."p42
A normal person would have been drawn to such a Dostoevsky. Mrs. Anna is certainly shocked. But she is not the only one who is shocked by him.A feeling of deep compassion and pity welled up in my heart. ......."He says.
This is what Dostoevsky was seeking from the bottom of his heart. Dostoevsky has lived a life of pain and suffering. However, his own character problems and circumstances keep people away from him. But this woman in front of him shows him sincere sympathy...! Dostoevsky could not have been happier. From this point on, their relationship quickly became a close one.
Thus our work began and continued. I always went at twelve o'clock and left at four o'clock. During this time, we would shorthand three times, each time for 30 minutes or more, and then take a break to drink tea and talk. What made me most happy was that Fyodor Mikhailovich was gradually getting used to his new job and settling down day by day. This was especially true when I began to count the number of pages I had dictated to Stelovsky and how much progress I had made in dictation. The increasing number of manuscripts cheered and delighted him more than anything else. He repeatedly asked, "How many pages did you write yesterday? How many pages will it be in total? Would I be able to finish it by the deadline?
As we talked freely with each other, Fyodor Mihailovich confided something about the sadness of his life, as he did every day. When he told me of his past, present, and future suffering from which he never seemed to be able to escape, I felt a deep and unacknowledged pity in my heart.
Misuzu Shobo, Anna Dostoevskaya, translated by Hiroshi MatsushitaDostoevsky in Recollection."p46
The collaboration between Dostoevsky and his wife, Anna, was going smoothly; they had given up hope of ever writing a novel in a month, but what do you know? For Dostoevsky, who had been skeptical about the existence of stenography, this must have been an incredible miracle.
Dostoevsky's trust in Anna, the talented stenographer, grew and grew. Dostoevsky begins to feel for her not only from a professional standpoint, but also as a woman.
Fyodor Mikhailovich became more friendly and considerate with each passing day. He used to call me "sweetheart" (which was his favorite term of endearment), "kind Anna Grigorievna," "sweetheart," and so on. And I took these words as a compliment to my young daughter, almost a girl. I was glad that I could ease his burden. I was also happy to see him exhale with joy whenever I assured him that the work was going well and that he would meet the deadline. I was proud not only to be able to help a favorite writer, but also to be having a positive effect on his mood. All of these things gave me confidence.
Misuzu Shobo, Anna Dostoevskaya, translated by Hiroshi MatsushitaDostoevsky in Recollection."p47
A conversation of great significance to both of them would follow.
One day, feeling exceptionally irritated, he told me that he was at a crossroads in his life and that there were only three ways left to go: to Constantinople or Jerusalem in the East and stay there forever, or to go abroad to play roulette and indulge in this game to which he was always attracted, or to get married again and seek happiness and joy in his family. Or marry again and seek the happiness and joys of a family. He was very troubled by this, and seeing that I was being accommodating, he asked for my opinion, since the solution to these problems would require a radical change in his life, which was going terribly wrong.
To tell the truth, I was completely baffled by such a trusted consultation. For such talk as wanting to go to the East or to become a gambler seemed to me only vague and cloud-hugging. Knowing that some of his acquaintances and relatives had happy families, he recommended that they get married again and try to find happiness in their families.
Fyodor Mikhailovich asked, "You think I can get married again?"
What kind of wife should I choose? What kind of wife should I choose, a clever woman or a good-natured person?
Of course, I'm the smart one.
No. If you have to choose, choose the good-natured one. Let them love you with pity."
From the subject of his own marriage, he asked me why I was not marrying.
I received offers from both of them. I told them that they were both wonderful people and that I respected them, but that I did not feel the love that was so important to me, and that I wanted to marry for love.
'You absolutely should,' he agreed enthusiastically. 'Respect alone is not enough for a happy marriage.
Misuzu Shobo, Anna Dostoevskaya, translated by Hiroshi MatsushitaDostoevsky in Recollection."p49-51
I'm also concerned that Dostoevsky has said here that he wants to be a gambler, but I still think hisNo. If you have to choose, choose the good-natured one. Let them love you with pity."The words "I can't miss it.
(1) A brief introduction to Dostoevsky (1821-1866, "from birth to around the time of Crime and Punishment") before he met his wife, Anna.As we have seen in the article on Dostoevsky, Dostoevsky fell madly in love with his first wife, Maria, and his lover, Suslova, both of which ended tragically.
Dostoevsky is here.No. If you have to choose, choose the good-natured one. Let them love you with pity."It is that significant that he stated this. He said that with an awareness of his past love and marriage. Moreover, there was a woman exactly like that in front of him, to whom he gave these words.
And it was not only Dostoevsky whose feelings were changing. For Mrs. Anna, too, Dostoevsky was becoming a special person.
We became familiar with the lives of the characters in the new novel, and both he and I had our likes and dislikes. I sympathized with Granny and Mr. Astley, who had lost their fortune; I despised Polina and the novel's protagonist himself, whose pettiness and passion for gambling I could not forgive. Fyodor Mikhailovich fully supported "The Gambler," saying that many of the emotions and impressions of the protagonist were exactly as he experienced them. He also asserted that even with a strong personality and the ability to prove it in real life, one can never overcome the desire to bet on roulette.
Sometimes I was surprised to find myself boldly stating my feelings about a novel, but more often I was surprised to find that the good writer was willing to listen to my childish critiques and arguments. In the three weeks since we began working together, my former interests have all but disappeared. I had to ask Mr. Orihin's permission to take time off from shorthand class, I rarely saw acquaintances, and I was absorbed in my work and the fun of the stories we exchanged in between shorthand sessions. I couldn't help but compare him to the young men around me. Compared to the always new and original opinions of my favorite writer, their stories seemed so empty.
I was always impressed on my way home, bored at home, and eagerly awaiting tomorrow when I would see him again. But sadly, this job was coming to an end, and I knew that our friendship would soon be cut short. And how surprised and delighted I was when he confided in me the same problem.
Anna Grigorievna, do you know what I'm thinking right now? We have grown so close, we look forward to seeing each other every day, and we have grown accustomed to talking animatedly whenever we see each other, but will all this end when the novel is almost finished? I am so sorry to hear that. I will miss you so much when you leave. Will I see you again somewhere?
I replied, nervously, "But, Fyodor Mikhailovich, even though mountains and peaks do not meet, humans will meet one another someday. But, Fyodor Mikhailovich, you know that mountains and mountains may not meet, but humans will meet one another someday.
But where?
It's at ...... some gathering, theater, concert, etc."
You know that I rarely go to such gatherings or theaters. You know that I rarely go to such gatherings and theaters. Why don't you invite me to your home?
Please come, come in. They will be very happy to see you. I'm just worried that my mother and I won't have anything interesting to talk about.
When should I go?
Let's discuss it after you finish your work. The important thing now is to finish the novel," I replied.
Misuzu Shobo, Anna Dostoevskaya, translated by Hiroshi MatsushitaDostoevsky in Recollection."p52-54
This is another reference to "The Gambler," and this passage will later lead to Baden-Baden, the German resort where the two will go to hell. So please keep this exchange in the corner of your mind.
And as you have probably noticed from reading this passage, the relationship between the two is clearly changing.
This is love.
There is the age difference. There is also the difficult situation Dostoevsky faces.
But something began to grow between the two of them.
The writing of "The Gambler" would continue to go smoothly and would be completed by the deadline. The miracle had happened! Now Dostoevsky is freed from his slave contract.
However, once this job is done, the two will no longer see each other as they have in the past.
Now what to do, Dostoevsky?
Finally, he is ready to play the once-in-a-lifetime game.
... Proposal!
And this proposal is so very Dostoevsky-like.
In the next article, we will introduce the once-in-a-lifetime proposal of the great writer Dostoevsky. We hope you will join us in witnessing his proposal.
be unbroken
Next Article.
Click here to read the previous article.
Click here for a list of Dostoevsky's recommended books.
List of recommended Dostoevsky biographies."
List of recommended Dostoevsky commentaries.
A list of recommended commentaries on "Dostoevsky and Christianity."
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