(11) Dostoevsky leaves his wife and goes gambling in Homburg, the city of casinos - the door to hell begins to open...
It has been about three weeks since their departure from Russia. They were enjoying a peaceful stay in Dresden, when the "worst of the worst," Dostoevsky, finally begins to show his face.
After about three weeks of living in Dresden, my husband told me a story about roulette (we had played roulette together).Gamblers."), and that if she were alone in Dresden at the moment, she would have gone to play roulette. I did not want to disturb him in any way, so I asked him why he could not go now. My husband said that he could not leave me alone and that it would cost too much money for us to go together. I suggested that he go to Homburg for four or five days. He made a lot of excuses, but he really wanted to "try his luck," so he finally asked the innkeeper to let me go to Homburg alone. I tried to act stout-hearted, but when I saw the train going away, I became so sad that I finally began to cry. After two or three days, letters began to arrive from Homburg. He had lost the race and wanted me to send him money. When I did so, he lost the money as well and asked me to send it again, which I did, of course, immediately. I had no idea of the excitement of "gambling," so I worried a lot about whether it would have a negative effect on my husband's health. From the letter, it seemed to me that he was still in Homburg and was suffering from severe excitement and anxiety. She was terrified of a new attack and wondered in despair why she had done it alone, why she had not gone with him to be there to comfort and reassure him. She felt as if she were a terrible egoist, and she felt guilty for not doing anything to help her husband when he was in such misery.
After eight days, my husband came back. I neither blamed him nor complained about his complete defeat, but rather consoled him and encouraged him not to despair, so he seemed very happy and joyful.
Misuzu Shobo, Anna Dostoevskaya, translated by Hiroshi MatsushitaDostoevsky in Recollection."P172-173
What a surprise, Dostoevsky left his wife alone in a foreign city and went to a casino.
Mrs. Anna stoutly sent her husband away, but one can only imagine what her heart must have been feeling. Mrs. Anna was left alone in a strange land after her wedding. She was only 20 years old at the time. How lonely she must have been. In her "Diary," she wrote anxiously waiting for Dostoevsky's return, and although he had said he would be back in four or five days, he never came back. He had said he would be back in four or five days, but he never came back, and although he received a letter asking for money, he did not know when he would be back. I got anxious and went to the station to pick him up, but he was nowhere to be found. Unlike today, when we can easily keep in touch with each other via cell phones and computers, there is no way to casually tell him "I'm coming home today. I had to wait for the letter to come.
When Dostoevsky finally came home, Mrs. Anna was so happy that she jumped on her husband at the station. He must have been very happy. That is true. Dostoev had been left alone in a foreign land where he could not speak the language well. In her "Diary," instead of blaming him, she writes, "I was always admiring Féja, and I was happy all the time.
Dostoevsky must have felt a great deal of remorse. He must have thought that lightning would strike as soon as they met, but was surprised to find that it did not.
He was so happy that I neither blamed him nor complained that he had lost so much, but instead consoled him and encouraged him not to despair."
Here is the great thing about Madame Anna. She doesn't criticize Dostoevsky when the hellish days of Baden-Baden begin in the future. She only consoles and tries to help. If it had been his ex-wife Maria or his lover Soussereau, it would have been a terrible thing. For Dostoevsky, who had only known such women, a woman like Anna must have been a shock. That is why he "looked so happy and contented.
But perhaps you may have many thoughts after reading Mrs. Anna's words above. When I first read Mrs. Anna's "Recollections," I too was surprised. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. If you spoil Dostoevsky so much, won't you get into trouble?" Etc. etc. ...
But let's put that aside for the moment. If we look at the two of them in Baden-Baden and Geneva after this, we should be able to see what lies ahead.
At any rate, Mrs. Anna is the one who would normally be angry.She was terrified of the new seizures and wondered in despair why she had done it alone, why she had not gone with her husband to be there to comfort and reassure him. I felt like a terrible egoist, and I felt guilty that I couldn't do anything to help my husband when he was in such misery."I even blame myself.
Already at this stage, I think that Mrs. Anna is clearly more inclined to become Dostoevsky's protector and guardian. Dostoevsky is a lucky man. He has finally met someone who thinks so much of him.
But Dostoevsky no longer had any way to restrain himself. By this time, he was completely consumed with gambling.
The failure in Homburg, however, did not fail to affect Fyodor Mikhailovich's mood. He often talked about the roulette game, regretted the money he had lost, and blamed himself for the losses. He said that he had many chances to win, but he became impatient and changed his bets, and no matter how many different ways he tried, he always ended up losing in the end. He also said that he had been alone in Homburg and had been in a hurry because I had been constantly on his mind. In other words, up until now, he had only a few days of fun at most and always had very little money, so he could not hold out until his luck turned around. If I could spend two or three weeks in a gambling town with a large sum of money, I would surely win," he said. If I could just calm down and bet in a sure-fire way, even if I couldn't win a lot of money, I would win enough to make up for my losses. My husband was so convinced, and gave so many examples to prove it, that when we decided to stop in Baden-Baden for a couple of weeks on our way to Switzerland (which we intended to do), he said that if we only accompanied him to the games, he would be able to win some of his money back. When we decided to stop in Baden-Baden for a couple of weeks, I gladly agreed, thinking that if only I could accompany my husband to the games, it would help him to feel a little more relaxed. As long as we could be together, it didn't matter where we spent our time.
Misuzu Shobo, Anna Dostoevskaya, translated by Hiroshi MatsushitaDostoevsky in Recollection."P173
I've got a winning formula! I have devised a winning strategy!" Dostoevsky is no longer able to understand what he is saying. But this is the kind of mentality that gamblers tend to fall into.
Thus, the two were on their way to the doomed city of Baden-Baden. It was the beginning of five weeks of hell.
be unbroken
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