(8) Finally, the Journey Begins: Why Did Dostoevsky and His Wife Have to Leave for Europe?
So far in this article we have looked at Dostoevsky's newlywed life.
And the previous article"The family situation of the guest-filled Dostoevsky family and Mrs. Anna suffering from wife-baiting from her relatives as a newlywed."I told you that Mrs. Anna had finally reached her limit at the end of the
In this article, we will begin by looking at such a Mrs. Anna.
My son-in-law's rude and obnoxious behavior, my brother-in-law's meddling, the constant and tiresome visits of people who had no interest in me and who made it impossible for me to be alone with my husband, the constant anxiety caused by all this mess....fragranceThe first weeks of our married life passed in a bad atmosphere. I often felt depressed and distressed because my husband seemed to be drifting away from me, and I couldn't help but ask myself what would happen if I did this. Given my personality at the time, it was no surprise that a tragedy had occurred. In fact, I loved Fyodor Mikhailovich infinitely, but my love was not physical, as it is with men and women of my age, but purely spiritual and ideological. Rather, it was purely spiritual and idealistic, the adoration and admiration of a talented and highly spiritual person. My heart was filled with compassion for a man who had suffered so much, who had never experienced joy and happiness, who had been abandoned by his relatives who had devoted their entire lives to him and who deserved to be rewarded with kindness and compassion. I could not help but dream of being a lifelong companion, sharing his struggles, easing his burdens, and making him happy. Fyodor Mikhailovich was to be my God, my idol, and I was to serve him all my life. However, all these high feelings and dreams seemed to me to be crumbling in the face of the harsh reality of those days.
The state of things around me gradually brought me to a point of misunderstanding and suspicion. At one point, I thought that my husband had already given up on me, that I was empty, foolish, and totally unworthy of him, and that perhaps I regretted having married him but did not know how to make up for my mistake. No matter how passionately I loved him, my self-respect would not allow me to live with him if I knew he no longer loved me. I even felt that if our life together became a burden to him, I would have to sacrifice and step aside.
At one point, I wondered why such a "great psychologist" like him did not see how I was suffering from a lack of calm, why he did not try to make my life easier, why he tied me to his noisy relatives, and why he defended Pavel Alexandrovich, who was so mean to me. I was deeply saddened and resentful of my husband.
Misuzu Shobo, Anna Dostoevskaya, translated by Hiroshi MatsushitaDostoevsky in Recollection."p127-128
Mrs. Anna's,
My heart was filled with compassion for someone who had suffered so much, who had never seen joy and happiness, who had been abandoned by his relatives who had devoted their entire lives to him and who deserved to be rewarded with kindness and compassion. I could not help but dream of being a lifelong companion, sharing his struggles, easing his burdens, and making him happy. Fyodor Mikhailovich became my God, my idol, and I intended to serve him all my life."
The words "I am a man of God" have so much meaning for the future of the marriage. Dostoevsky is about to go through a hellish experience, and yet Mrs. Anna continues to protect him with devotion, or rather, with patience and generosity beyond limits. It is a level of patience that we cannot even imagine, to be honest. And it is the result of her "dreamy" nature, which is exactly what Dostoevsky was to her.My God, my idol."In any case, Dostoevsky was a man of extraordinary genius and maturity. In any case, while the great writer Dostoevsky was a man of extraordinary genius and maturity, his wife, Anna, was also a man of rare maturity in the history of the world, I believe.
Finally, a turning point came for the grieving Mrs. Anna.
Mrs. Anna also took the trouble to write an entire chapter about what happened at that time under the title of "Salvation. Now, let us look at the events as they unfolded.
Fortunately, fate did not abandon us from the great happiness we enjoyed for the next fourteen years with Fyodor Mikhailovich. I still remember that day as if it were only yesterday, but on Tuesday of the fifth week of the Great Sai, our lives took an unexpected turn for the better. The day began, as usual, with something unpleasant. Fyodor Mikhailovich, annoyed by Pavel Aleksandrovich's wicked scheme (pencils and matches disappeared from the house) and my failure to do my chores, scolded the hapless Fedosha. In time, those troublesome guests arrived, and I had to "feast" and "entertain" them. Pavel Alexandrovich, as usual, was rude to me. My husband was exceptionally pensive and hardly spoke to me, which made me terribly sad.
That evening, my wife and I were invited to the Maiukovs' house. Knowing this, our guests left without lunch. But I had a terrible headache and my nerves were on edge from the discomfort of the day. I was afraid that if anyone asked me about our honeymoon at the Maykovs' house, I might start crying, so I decided to stay home. My husband tried to persuade me, but he was not happy with my refusal. As soon as he left, Pavel Alexandrovich blamed me for irritating him with my selfishness. He said that he didn't think the headache was real and that he didn't want to go to upset Fyodor Mikhailovich. Then again, what a "stupid" thing for Fyodor Mikhailovich to do, marrying you. He said that you are a "bad housewife" who wastes "our joint money. At last, Fyodor Mikhailovich even said that his seizures seemed to be getting worse, but it was because of you. After swearing a lot, he ran out of the house.
Too much abuse, in this case, was a drop of water that made the vessel overflow. Never before had I been insulted so severely that my illness had been made worse because of me. I was so angry that it made me sad. My headache became worse and worse, and I threw myself on the bed and began to cry hysterically. About an hour and a half later, my husband returned. He had gone to the Maiukovs' house, but he had been bored by my absence, so he left and came back. There were no lights on in the house, so I asked Fedosha where he was.
You are crying in bed," she replied, her voice hushed.
Fyodor Mikhailovich was astonished and asked me why. I wanted to keep it a secret if I could. But when he asked me so earnestly and tenderly, my heart softened and I told him with tears in my eyes how much I was suffering every day and how bad I was feeling at home. I told her how sad and painful it was that she didn't love me as much as she used to, and that you didn't want to talk to me. I cried more tears than I had ever cried before, and when my husband spoke kindly to me, I cried even more. I revealed all of my worries, all of my doubts. My husband, to my dismay, was completely taken aback, staring at me and listening intently. I could see that he had not thought that Pavel Alexandrovich's excessive kindness toward me was an insult to me. He began to gently chide me. Why didn't you make a complaint to your son-in-law, why didn't you make sure he didn't say such an insulting thing immediately? How could he have thought that he no longer loved her when he still loved her so passionately, she said in horror, concluding that she could not bear to live in such a messy life. In the past, young relatives used to come to his place, but only once in a while, because his home was not very tasty. Now they come often, he said, because I am kind to them and make them feel comfortable. He also thought that the company of young people, lively conversation and discussion would be more interesting than anything else for me. He told me that he missed our talks as much as he used to, and that it was a pity that he could not talk to me because of the constant stream of guests. He also said that he had recently been thinking about going to Moscow, but after talking to him about it, he had decided to go. Of course," he said, "I'll go with you. I want to go with my relatives in Moscow. Verochka (my sister) and Sonja (my niece) know you from my stories, but I want them to get to know you in person and like you. Besides, I will ask Katkov for another loan. If I can get the money, we can go abroad together. You remember, it was a dream of both of us. What could we not do? I would also ask Katkov about a new novel. It would be difficult to do this by letter, so it would be better to do it in person. Even if we can't go abroad, it won't be hard to come back from Moscow, start a new life, and get out of this mess that we are both sick and tired of. So let's go to Moscow. Come on, Arnetka.
Needless to say, I agreed. Fyodor Mikhailovich was as gentle, kind, and accommodating as when we were engaged, and any fear or doubt that we had lost our love vanished like smoke. For perhaps the first time since our marriage, we talked intimately and openly all night long, unimpeded by anyone. We decided to go out tomorrow morning.
The next day, when his relatives, especially Pavel Alexandrovich, heard about the trip, they were surprised and in a bad mood. However, knowing how little money was left in her husband's pocket, she assumed that he was going on a money-grubbing trip and did not dare to stop him. And when it was time to part ways, he said sarcastically, "I'll take care of the mess and make sure everything is cleaned up. I didn't care, and I didn't say anything back. I was just glad to get away from him, even for a while.
Misuzu Shobo, Anna Dostoevskaya, translated by Hiroshi MatsushitaDostoevsky in Recollection."p130-133
I think Dostoevsky is basically a gentle man. But sometimes he is too blunt.
It was only when he saw Mrs. Anna breaking down in tears that he realized the gravity of the situation.
The two openly discussed and reconnected with each other. This kind of reconciliation is a typical pattern for the two in the future: they talk, face each other, cry, and reconcile in this way every time they are in a difficult situation.
Thus, they escaped from their cramped home in Petersburg and traveled to Moscow. This journey alone together was a very happy one for Anna, who wrote in her "Recollections" as follows.
The feeling of alienation toward my husband that had developed in me over the past few weeks in Petersburg had vanished without a trace in Moscow, and I had become as lively and considerate as I had been when we first got engaged. My husband also told me that he had found the "old Anya" here that he had almost lost in Petersburg, and that he and I had begun our "honeymoon. It was now clear to her that they would have been able to live happily together as a married couple, had it not been for her relatives who did not take kindly to her. The memory of this trip would stay with me forever, and every time I went to Moscow after that, I would feel happier, more relaxed, and content than anywhere else.
Misuzu Shobo, Anna Dostoevskaya, translated by Hiroshi MatsushitaDostoevsky in Recollection."p145-146
As Mrs. Anna states, they reaffirmed their love here. And through this trip to Moscow, they will seriously plan a trip to Europe.
Upon their return to Petersburg, they immediately initiated plans for a trip to Europe with their relatives.
Sure enough, his brother and sister Emiliya and Pavel were vehemently opposed. What about the money you're going to give us? If you want to go, you will have to leave the money before you go! They began to tease Dostoevsky as usual.
In this case, Dostoevsky was weak. He could not refuse the request for money and gave most of the money he had borrowed in Moscow to his relatives.
All is not well... Will their trip to Western Europe end in a dream come true?
But Mrs. Anna did not give up. She kept thinking. Is there any way out of this? There must be a clue somewhere...
She is desperate, too. Her happy married life with her beloved husband Dostoevsky is at stake. She cannot afford to lose at a place like this.
Finally, it hits her! If this is it...! But it would also hurt. But she had no other choice.
She decided to sell off all the precious wedding gifts given to her by her mother.
Each of them is a precious item that I have a lot of feelings for. I wonder if my mother will forgive me.
Anna was troubled, but her mother said, "How can I help you when your happiness is at stake? If you and Fyodor Mikhailovich don't get together now, it will never happen. Stand up as soon as possible. What a wonderful episode!
Everything is now set. All that remained was to act. Anna confides her plan to Dostoevsky.
From this point forward, we shall hear from Mrs. Anna again.
But I still had a big job to do to convince Fyodor Mikhailovich to agree. I couldn't have him listening to me in the house. Someone would interrupt him often, and Pavel Alexandrovich was waiting for the young Dostoevskys and the usual morning guests to arrive, and he would not leave the house. Fortunately, her husband had to leave for some business. I offered to accompany him to a nearby pharmacy. Leaving the house, I invited him to stop by the small chapel of the Voznesenie church. We prayed together in front of the statue of the Virgin, went to Voznesensky Boulevard, and walked along the banks of the Moika River. I was so excited that I did not know where to begin. My husband offered to help. He noticed how excited I was and said, "I'm sorry, but I don't know what to say to you.
Anya, I'm glad you both gave up on the foreign trip you wanted so badly."
But you can go abroad, if you agree to the plan I am about to tell you," I quickly began to speak. Sure enough, my husband was not pleased that I was willing to sacrifice my own things, and he dismissed my plan out of hand. We argued and argued and argued, and we walked along the Moika River all the way to a neighborhood we had never been to before, where there was not a single house. For the second time since our marriage, I confessed that every day was very hard for me and asked for just a few months of a peaceful and happy life. I told him clearly that under the current circumstances, not only would we lose the closeness we had dreamed of, but we might even have to break up altogether. I asked my husband to save our love and happiness, and I burst out crying uncontrollably. The poor husband was at his wits' end and didn't know what to do with her, so he rushed to make sure everything was okay. I was so happy that I kissed my husband repeatedly, without regard to the passersby (which were not many there). So, I asked my husband to go to the Governor General's office and ask when his passport would be issued. My husband's passport was always a problem. As a former political prisoner, my husband was under police surveillance, and in addition to the usual procedures, he had to obtain permission from the military governor in advance. There was an official in the bureau, an acquaintance who respected my husband's talents very much, who told her to submit the application immediately and promised to put me in touch with the person in charge tomorrow. He assured me that I would receive my passport by Friday.
I still clearly remember how infinitely happy I felt that day. No matter how much I listened to Pavel Alexandrovich's ridiculous meddling, I was not angry. I knew that it would soon come to an end. That day we told no one about our trip to a foreign country except my mother. She came over in the evening and brought back gold, silver, and lottery tickets to be pawned the next day.
The following Wednesday, the company's appraiser arrived and determined the value of the furniture. That same evening, in a place where almost all the family was gathered for dinner, my husband announced that the two of them would be going abroad the day after tomorrow.
Pavel Alexandrovich was stunned by his husband's words and immediately hung up the phone.
I don't want your opinion!" my husband shouted at her. Everyone gets a set amount, but not a penny more.
But that's a problem! I forgot to mention that my summer coat is totally out of style and I really need a new one. Besides, I need something else ......," he began.
We are going abroad on Anna Grigorievna's money," he said. We are going abroad on Anna Grigorievna's money. I don't have the right to do anything about it.
Pavel Alexandrovich still had a few more demands to make, but his husband would not listen to them.
After the meal, the family members went into the husband's study one after another. My husband decided on the spot that the remainder would be given to each of them in cash on May 1. The rest was to be pawned and handed over to my mother.
I told my husband and asked him to add money for a summer cloak so that Pavel Alexandrovich would not interfere. He was not at all grateful. When we parted, he said to me that he did not think that my insidious behavior (going abroad) would be allowed to continue, and that in the fall we would "play a game of cards, and I don't know who will win.
I was so happy that I didn't care about any of the vitriol that was hurled at me by others.
We packed up early. We did not plan to be gone very long, so we pawned our furniture, left the rest of the household goods to my mother, and took only a few personal items with us. Pavel Alexandrovich asked his mother to help him, but she was only an obstacle, not a help. She only wanted to read and cultivate herself, so she entrusted her library to him, along with some of the furniture in her study.
We had intended to leave for three months, but it was more than four years later that we set foot on Russian soil again. In the meantime, many good things have happened in our lives. I am eternally grateful that God strengthened my decision to go abroad. It was in a foreign country that a new and happy life began for me and Fyodor Mikhailovich, strengthening our friendship and affection, which lasted until my husband's last moments.
Misuzu Shobo, Anna Dostoevskaya, translated by Hiroshi MatsushitaDostoevsky in Recollection."p154-157
Still, one can only be amazed at Mrs. Anna's energy and practical ability. She is only 20 years old.
Mrs. Anna, who persuades the indecisive Dostoevsky and immediately asks him to arrange the passport, already has the look of a great manager.
I would also like to note the change in Dostoevsky. He had been so lenient with his relatives, but now he firmly and resolutely refused. This is a big deal. Thanks to Mrs. Anna, Dostoevsky must have undergone a change at that time. Another point I would like to add is that Dostoevsky could have been put in a debtor's prison at this time, although it is not mentioned in Mrs. Anna's "Recollections of Dostoevsky". He was very afraid of that and wanted to flee the country as soon as possible. In other words, he was fleeing from debt collectors.
Well, at any rate, this is how Mr. and Mrs. Dostoevsky left for Europe. As Anna mentioned at the end of their trip, they were only planning to stay for about three months. But it would be four years before they returned home. I will now follow the course of their tumultuous four-year journey.
This journey was to have a decisive significance for Dostoevsky. And his mountainous marriage with Mrs. Anna is also a very exciting drama for those of us living in the modern world. I would go so far as to call it a first-rate novel. I fell deeply in love with their drama and embarked on this journey.
So, let's begin our journey. Our first stop is Berlin, the capital of Germany.
be unbroken
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List of recommended Dostoevsky commentaries.
A list of recommended commentaries on "Dostoevsky and Christianity."
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